I think about "coming out" or so they say every once in awhile. I think about how writers are supposed to have online presences and so far mine is very restrained, very impersonal, and the kind of blog that will never garner a following because I'm so careful with what I post and am incredibly anonymous.
Then I remember (and anyone who knew me in college will also remember) how verbal vomit I used to be on my old blogs. Posting everything and anything for the whole entire world to see. Anyone who wanted to stalk me, could. And I have a hard time finding that middle ground where I give enough information about myself to make me interesting and show my personality without giving too much.
It's why I now keep an additional personal blog where I can hemorrhage all I want. For those friends of mine I love and trust. A place where I can control who comes in and out.
But it has crossed my mind that the best way to cultivate a grassroots following is online, before anything's even begun.
Well. I tell myself that when I'm done with the novel, that's when I'll think about creating an author blog. One that dissociates myself from this one so no one would ever have to know. Though that would potentially mean sacrificing the web friendies I have already who don't know me.
Internet is such a funny thing. I have the predisposition to overshare, so while I can't stop myself from blogging, I keep a very extreme line in how I blog, now that I've realized my tendencies. It's not that I'm an exhibitionist - not in the sense that I crave attention and air my laundry for the purpose of having everyone love me and read my shit and comment on it or whatever. It's just that... I used to not care. I felt I was being honest, with myself and with the world. I thought it was a way to vent and record and pretend that people were listening.
I know better now.
I fear that whenever I do create an author blog, it'll be a terribly boring one. Only because I secretly fear that I won't be able to accurately judge where the line should be drawn. And because part of me is a little scared of internet voyeurism and the judgment of people I barely know.
Hmm. This is what I think about at 5am, when I should be studying for a midterm. Or sleeping. Yes, sleep is probably the best option.