Thursday, September 18, 2008

SERIOUSLY freaking out...

I'm having a bit of a crisis right now.

I thought I felt a little bit better after meeting with my advisor, but I started to talk to my mom about the situation, and now I'm freaking out again.

I don't know if I made the right decision in coming out here.

I suppose I should have taken a bunch of warning signs when I got into the school, but I did really believe (and still believe) that I needed to come out West at any cost and experience life out here myself. So aside from the fact that I have yet to enjoy myself out here... (which I'm sure just comes with meeting people, etc)

My problem is that the classes I have to take for my program are mostly straight lit courses, with very few courses focused on looking at lit from a craft perspective. I'm not entirely certain if that's what other programs do, but it's what I expected. Now that I've realized that it's not this way, I'm wondering if I indeed should have just accepted New School's offer because it seems that THEY do have lit craft courses. And I'm wondering if I should try to transfer/reapply. I don't even know how that works - can I transfer from a 3 yr to a 2 yr? Will a place I rejected be likely to reaccept me? Should I just tough it out and see? (but deadlines happen soon!)

I don't know if I'm second guessing myself because I'm so miserable, but my mother made a good point - if I'm getting a graduate degree, I might as well make sure I'm getting out of it what I want and expected. If I'm not, then what's the point?

I seriously don't know what to do, and I'm about to kick myself for not having done my research more carefully. I was just so focused on wanting to come out here that it didn't seem to matter much at the time. Plus, I wanted a three year program, a more intimate program, and one that offered teaching experience. I really don't know what the right answer to this question is....

2 drops:

moonrat said...

oh no! but you DID do research, and you went out there with good reason--it's not that you didn't make a good decision, but maybe things have changed. or maybe you're caught in the grip of the first month and things will settle down into what you anticipated?

it's a shame that you have to make re-application decisions right now. hang in there, kiddo. the right thing will work itself out.

Frank said...

I agree...I think...You're out there for a reason, and I don't think there's any possibility you overlooked anything. The smoke will clear soon and you'll be glad you stayed. Be aggressive about what you want out of your education there and carve out a path you're satisfied with. Keep talking to your advisor...that's what he/she is there for.

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