Friday, September 12, 2008

Blah from San Diego.

I was trying to decide if I should write about the readings I do for class in here... books rather. I decided against it. Though to put it towards my book count, I will put it on my side bar.

By the way, I am so very homesick for New York, it's not funny. My classmates seem to be 90% male (and I have yet to meet a first-year fiction MFA student who is female). I am on house arrest because I can't stand to drive more than what is required of me. The weather is okay, except it's a bit chilly at night. I'm bored out of my mind and miss home so much that I can't seem to get any writing done. I'm completely unmotivated, and I'm also freaked out and stressed out by the courseload and work schedule I've taken on. On top of that, I'm starting to question if I made the right decision to pick this school over New School in terms of program. In fact, I'm starting to question my decision to come here at all. And suddenly 3 years seems like a torturous amount of time.

I'm sure this will pass, I'll settle in, make a friend or two. It's just hard when everyone in my class is male, and there's little outside opportunity to get to know them, or other people for that matter. It's not college where you have all these ways to make friends. Besides the fact that many of these people already have outside lives.

I'm seriously second-guessing myself right now, and it's a pretty difficult place to be. I just want to go home to New York where being alone on a Thursday or Friday night didn't seem like such a bad thing, because I knew that at any moment I could call up a friend if I changed my mind. Now, even the time difference works against me.

Yeah, sucks. I don't know what I'm doing.

4 drops:

Frank said...

Keep fighting it and know that you at least have your fans out here in cyberland...

moonrat said...

that's ridiculous!! why aren't there any girls?! that makes me REALLY frustrated. argh.

ok, well, whatever. come back to new yoooork.

but also what frank said.

CNU said...

That's strange usually there are more females I found in writing classes. At least that was true at NYU.

You'll find your place I'm sure. Decide whether it's a mood or if it really is as unbearable as you believe.

Best,

-C

cindy said...

=(

and that is strange--all
the local writing conferences
are like 80% female! or it seems
so.

i knew you'd miss nyc. it's
a HUGE adjustment. i hope you
make some friends--it's not easy!
hang in there, angelle!

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