Friday, August 10, 2007

And I wonder why I can't get my stories placed.

This is completely not book-related, but it's rainy today, I had a shitty commute, I'm going through some tough personal issues, etc etc... and the following just totally made my day by its absolute ridiculousness.

I bring to you an important news clip from South Carolina (WYFF-NBC if you wanted to know):

Giant Missing Muffin Found, But Now It's Toast
Prodigious Pastry Now Puddle Of Plastic
POSTED: 2:43 pm
EDT August 9, 2007
UPDATED: 9:46 am EDT August 10, 2007

GREER, S.C. -- A giant muffin that disappeared three weeks ago has been found, but the story doesn't have a happy ending.

The 4-and-1/2-foot-tall plastic pastry was stolen from a Bloom supermarket in Greer on July 19. Store managers said that the massive muffin was an important piece of company history and was worth about $4,500. The muffin made road trips around the Upstate as part of the supermarket chain's promotional campaigns.

Bloom Assistant Manager Joe Henderson said that the store filed a police report and offered a reward for the muffin's safe return.

Greer police said Thursday that there will be no safe return for the muffin. It was found burned into a puddle of melted plastic.

Officers were interviewing several juveniles when one admitted to know the whereabouts of the muffin.

Police went to the location near Highway 414 and Highway 253 in Greenville County where they found the muffin burned beyond recognition.

Bloom officials have decided not to press charges against the three teenagers, ages 15 to 17, so the teenagers’ names are being withheld.

The resident who helped police identify the vehicle used to steal the muffin will be given a $300 reward by Bloom. The grocery chain will also match that amount in a donation to Loaves and Fishes, a Greenville-based food bank.

Now there is a very important public relations lesson to be found in this. Diseases don't matter, books probably don't either. However, a giant pastry going being Thomas Crown Affair-ed is of the utmost importance. I mean, after all, it is an important part of company history.

Good grief.

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